Day 71 - The final chapter & 30 days of gratitude

When I set myself a 100-day challenge to Clear the CRAP, I had no idea where it would lead me...

I had an internal need to declutter my surroundings in order to clear out old energies, clear my mind and move on to the next stage of my life.

Now, just over 3/4 way through the challenge, I can reflect on my journey so far and identify three distinct stages that I have moved through:

Phase 1
First 21 Days: Establishing the Clear the CRAP Process

Phase 2
Days 22 - 70: Recognising the positive life-changing outcomes of the Clear the CRAP Process and the desire to share this with others

Phase 3
Final 30 Days: Consolidating the Clear the Crap Process and formulating the Clear the CRAP Business Plan

I am extremely excited about what lies ahead and can't wait to share my learnings with the world. So much so that I keep stumbling over my enthusiasm to share my message. I want to do it right; in a way that will have the greatest helpful impact on those in my realm of influence.

No more attempts to put the cart before the horse - just one step at a time and in time, I will be in a position to give more of myself in service to others.

As I embark on Phase 3
of the Clear the CRAP Challenge,
I will take time to give thanks.

In the past I could easily lose sight of all the good things in my life. I would find myself stuck, focusing on the negatives and wishing for more in my life. But I know that I am so blessed to be where I am. Any given moment of my life, is the most absolutely perfect place for me to be.

In good times and bad, I have so many blessings to be thankful for.

Expressing gratitude has a powerful effect on the manifestations and creations in our lives. Our inner and outer worlds become happier and more abundant.

Every day for the next 30 days, the final phase of the Clear the CRAP Challenge, I will add to this blog one thing that I am grateful for that day.

I raise my glass to the joy of life.

Crap Cleared: A belief that I don't have everything I need

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I am grateful for fresh drinking water on tap, bathroom showers and toilets that flush. I am grateful to have electricity which allows lighting and household appliances, particularly a refrigerator, clothes washing machine and dishwasher. I am grateful for good friends and camping retreats. I am grateful for my home, community and all modern conveniences. I am grateful for my own, big, comfortable bed.  ♥ 18 ♥

I am grateful for the inspirational teachers that I am blessed to have cross my path. Madonna and Sophie, all of the healing crew, Yo and Kerryn and all of my friends - old, new, present and online, my family, my children. The lessons you provide and awareness you enable challenge and enlighten me.
Thank you. ♥ 17 ♥

I am grateful that I recognise my need to express myself and I have found the avenue to do so, by indulging in my writing, painting, dancing and other artistic/creative persuits. These activities bring self-actualisation as they provide me the opportunity to find myself, clear any crap that I deal with on a day to day basis and rediscover my truth. ♥ 16 ♥

I am grateful to have the most amazing lifestyle.
I am grateful for my home - with all of its maintenance requirements.
I am grateful for my body - with all of its lumps and bumps.
I am grateful for my children - with all the challenges they bring.
I am grateful for the sun, air, trees, flowers, earth, wind, fire, lollies, chocolate, water, rocks, photographs, lateral thinking ability, friends, helpers, structure, opportunity, motivation, laziness, vehicles, phones, pets, music, dance, colour, prosperity, lack, all of the abundance in my life, and all that is. ♥ 15 ♥

I am grateful for my gorgeous group of supportive friends with whom I can be "me" and share all of those personal issues and they are so open to hearing it and allowing it and are so accepting of me in spite of it all. Thank you. ♥ 14 ♥

I am grateful for magically big snuggly-wuggly hugs with my children, made more squishy-wushy by a gigantic soft fluffy dressing gown. ♥ 13 ♥

I am grateful that Sandhan Australia is back online. lol
We missed you. :)

Today I am grateful for the sun. I am grateful for my car, that safely got the children to school. I am grateful that I was able to buy catfood this morning for our two gorgeous fluffy things. I am grateful that my dad was here yesterday when the treelopers came. I'm grateful that I have the guts to take risks. I am grateful that I am able to trust in my ability to increase my vibration and invite great things into my life. I am grateful for my home, my family and my friends. I am grateful for my freedom. ♥ 12 ♥

I am grateful that I have the opportunity  to express myself creatively.

My new morning family tradition of prayer and expressing our gratitude inspired me to paint
"Zander's Heart of Gratitude" for my son.  ♥ 11 ♥

"Zander's Heart of Gratitude" by Jo Behlau 2011  45cm x 45cm acrylic on canvas

I am grateful that I had no back pain when I woke up this morning.
I will use my dance class, emotional healing and energy work to totally erradicate any weakness from my spine.
Oh... and I had a smile on my face too!!! ♥ 10 ♥

Taste Buds! I'm thankful for taste buds!
I bought the most amazing raspberry jam from my local Brisbane supermarket yesterday. The brand is "Anatoth", made in NZ where you are. I am grateful for raspberries, my favourite food, and I am grateful for Anatoth Raspberry Jam!!!!!

I am grateful for my friend who recently posted about waking up with a smile on her face.... when I woke this morning, that was my first thought! I chose to start my day with a smile on my face. It can only get better from here! ♥ 9 ♥

I am grateful that I allowed myself to have a very lazy Sunday, spending most of the day on the back veranda sharing energy with the trees and wildlife that surrounded me, reading 'The power of NOW' and simply "enjoying myself - in joy in myself".
Thank you Eckhart Tolle. ♥ 8 ♥

My little family has a tradition (which we borrowed from my friend) whereby each night, as we sit at the dining table, we ask each other "What was the best part of your day?". It's a way of sharing something positive with each other and reinforcing that even if you have an ordinary day or a bad day, you can still find something

Today I have commenced a new activity, which I hope will develop into a new tradition. In the morning, when we are having breakfast, or if we eat at different times, then we'll just have to catch a moment during getting ready for the day, when we come together, and we will say a morning prayer and then each of us will share something that we are grateful for.

I've been struggling a little with my 8yo son lately, trying to help him to appreciate all of the good things that he has, and to look after his things, and to tidy up, etc. I'm hoping that this little ritual may help.

I am grateful for the personal skype conversation I just had with my brother. We have connected a little on a new level and it feels comforting. ♥ 7 ♥

I am grateful that I have my amazing friend Donna in my life. ♥ 6 ♥
I am grateful that my Dad arrived safely from Tasmania today.
I am in a really wonderful place right now and have so much I want to do for my business. I will try not to worry about adjusting my normal routine a little while he is here, so I can work with him in the garden and sit out on the veranda and drink cups of tea together.
I will cherish this time. ♥ 5 ♥

I am grateful that I have found a way to quickly process emotional issues as they arise within. I have had many examples this week where I was confronted with challenging issues that would have left me sad, anxious, worried or fearful in the past, but I suprised myself with how quickly I was able to work through and clear it and return to a place of peace and happiness. ♥ 4 ♥

I am grateful for the fact that I have learnt to be comfortable in my own skin.
Tonight in a room full of people I had never met before, I was not self-conscious. I was authentic and real and I felt connected when the vibration was right, I interacted. I am comfortable being me. ♥ 3 ♥
I am grateful for the many events and learnings that have lead me to where I am today: able to be truly happy living life in the moment. ♥ 2 ♥
Today I am grateful for all the wonderful people I am meeting online. I'm getting to know many gracious, inspiring, powerful, beautiful women and I feel truly blessed. I see great friendships and business relationships forming. ♥ 1 ♥

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Day 70 - A letter to my mind

Dear Mind,

Sometimes you do not serve my best interests.

Sometimes you just churn things over and over.
You spin around in circles.
You repeat yourself.
And you get nowhere.

You analyse too deeply and get in my way.

I want to expose myself.
I want to become vulnerable.
I want to fly.
I am capable of a love so intense and enormous that it makes this planet pale in comparison.

You have been told lies that you now believe.
You have been conditioned by circumstances that arose from fear.
You think you are me, but you are not.
You are simply a processing tool that I became identified with.

You have lead me to feel the need to justify and prove myself,
to believe in illusions,
and be governed by unrealistic expectations.

I am now disassociating from you and your fears.

You no longer control me.
I know the truth.
I am truth.
I am now free.

My Heart

Crap Cleared:  Identification with mind

I have discovered the mind, body spirit separation.
I choose to respond from love, not fear.
I act from heart.

Day 69 - Terrorism 101: A Lesson on LOVE & Forgiveness


I began this post over two weeks ago. At various times I attempted to complete the writing and publish it...
... but I got stuck!

I easily wrote of my feelings toward the war on terror and love, but I got bogged down when attempting to incorporate the issue of forgiveness.

I was clearing some internal CRAP about my need to forgive my exhusband for his actions, but was unable to process it fully and therefore unable to express myself in writing.

I could not find the words, perhaps because I do not fully understand what forgiveness is.

The delay in completing this post was due to the time needed to examine and process my emotions on this topic and I easily buried the issue and busied myself with work on other projects.

I have had many life changing moves forward in that time including:
  • falling in love with Nia
  • following my intuition and resigning from a volunteer community role
  • completing the "Clear the CRAP Daily Worksheet" and making progress on solidifying the steps involved in this technique
  • making connections with amazing people
  • commencing work on Leilani Boutique a new business venture
  • attending seminars and exploring my relationship with money
  • fine tuning my healing skills and developing a new technique
  • maturing the dialogue and interaction with my son
  • recognising and sharing my purpose and passions in this life

So now I am ready to finalise this post and continue on my 100-day challenge....
but don't you go counting the days!!!

100 days of posting may not necessarily concur with 100 calendar days....


 ~   ~   ~   ~   ~   ~   ~  

"What were the 'twin towers' Mummy?" and news reports on the death of Osama bin Laden prompted a lesson on terrorism in our household. Terrorism 101 was my attempt to explain Islamic fundamentalism, the global 'war on terror' and Australia's military involvement in Afghanistan to a 5 and 8 year old.

It was amazing how choked up I got when describing the events of 11 September 2001 to my children. How crystal clear my memory of that morning is.

The television was on as I was getting ready for work. We were living at Camp Hill at the time and soon after the first plane hit, every channel was broadcasting live. I remember racing to my husband who was in the shower, we had been married for 14 days and just returned from Bora Bora. I was shocked and in tears as I described it to him.

I watched the live footage as further planes crashed, buildings fell, some lives were lost and every ones lives were forever changed.

This week I watched as the people who mourned the loss of human life back then were now rejoicing at the loss of human life.

It troubled me.

That man may have been the head of a terrorist organisation and masterminded the whole ordeal, but I did not rejoice when he was killed. I found myself feeling love for this deceased man and marvelled at my inner transformation. Had I come to the point in my awakening where I am able to see the beauty of and have an affinity with all beings?

What troubled me further was that I felt more love for this terrorist, than I do for that man in the shower, who is now my exhusband.


I can see that Osama's upbringing, social conditioning & life circumstances led him to think and behave in a certain way. I acknowledge that, and I am at peace with it. I recognise that my exhusband's upbringing, social conditioning & life circumstances led him to think and behave in a certain way, but I have not yet made my peace with him and how it effects me and the children.

I recently came across the ancient Hawaiian self healing method of reconciliation and forgiveness called Ho'oponopono. Part of the practice of Ho'oponopono includes repetition of the following mantra:

I'm sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
I love you

You are basically to repeat the four phrases over and over until the burden you are dealing with eases.

I did a little research on Ho'oponopono and tried to understand it, but I was left with confusion. This could be alleviated with formal training in this method, however, when considering the actions and subsequent behaviour of my exhusband, I find it highly inappropriate and disturbing for me to be the one to say "I'm sorry" and "please forgive me".

I read that at Dr Hew Len's Ho'oponopono training last year he shared the following thought: 

if you can't see another as God would see them
 - which is perfect -
then the problem isn't with them,
it's with you.

I've been trying to examine MY problem as to why I do not see my exhusband as perfect !!

Later in a Facebook discussion on Ho'oponopono, I learnt from a friend that sometimes we attract that which needs to be opposed and overcome. Sometimes we are the only ones who can stop someone or some nasty energy. When someone is unable to control their own impulsive actions, few people in their circle of impact are trained to handle the challenge of dealing with such things.

From this discussion I was able to see that I was the warrior in this circle who could either help this person with the loss of control to stop, or to protect those who would otherwise be victims to be safe. I have stood in the gap and I am the protector.

After much inner work on the issue of forgiveness, on the day I was finally ready to click "publish" on this post, I read a quote from Kim McMillen's book "When I loved myself enough" and it was just the most perfect conclusion to the emotional processing I had completed.

When I loved myself enough
Forgiving others became irrelevant.

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After 69 days of this challenge and working through this forgiveness Crap, I feel like I have come to a significant point in my 100-day Challenge to Clear the CRAP.

In these 69 days I have been blessed with followers and received encouraging compliments on my writing. I have inspired others to begin their own Crap-Clearing journeys. Some have started their own facebook pages and blogs, others are more privately journalling their progress. Some are sharing their success on my Facebook Wall.

I am now formally documenting the Clear the CRAP Process and packaging it into a unique format to go on the website so that I can continue to inspire and help others.

But until that is ready for launch-day, I will progress on the third and final phase of my challenge: Clearing MORE CRAP and drawing together some global conclusions from the work.

Until next time,
 trust your heart
feel the love
& be happy in the moment


Day 62 - 68 Clearing Crap & Living in the Moment

What a fabulous week.

It began with the children returning to school after the end of semester and Easter break, I productively continued on my crap-clearing challenge (albeit becoming a little too focused on the exciting business venture I will be taking on after the 100-days are over) and ended with the transformational awareness of catching myself living in the moment.

My sister phoned and while we chatted I cleaned the house, just like I do when Mum calls. We talked about so many things, it was a great catch-up. She told me of her husbands new hobby: coin collecting. I think it is so wonderfully exciting when you discover something new and throw yourself into it wholeheartedly, as he is doing.

While we spoke I sorted through my box of collections. I too am interested in unusual and foreign coins - not that I have ever actively pursued this collecting activity. I gathered together all the coins that I had duplicates of and will joyfully post them to my brother-in-law...


I had the whole of the holidays to find time to sew the broken straps on my sons school bag, but in typical fashion I frantically dragged out the sewing machine at 8am on the first day back at school. But what a great prompt to clear the crap out of the sewing cupboard. Here's the before pic:

I made time that day to mend the items that had been thrown in the cupboard awaiting my attention:

- a pair of my sons shorts that he wanted the badges removed from
- my daughters summer dress that somehow got ripped on the bottom frill
- my pyjama top sleeve that was gaping open along the seam
- an oven mit that had a broken hanging loop
- my gorgeous cream open weave knitted top that had some threads pulled

And my proudest achievement:

- my daughters school skort that had ruined elastic. I managed to unpick the seams, replace the old elastic with new and sew it up, and you wouldn't even know it!  For teaching me how to sew...


It's shocking to think that I still had these sand bags piled up at the side of the garage since the devastating flood hit Brisbane over three months ago. Those sand bags have been obscuring the path to the house and providing a constant reminder of all my outstanding jobs.

Sand awesomely relocated to the top of the retaining wall to counteract soil erosion on the other side of the side fence ...



I sorted through a storage cupboard and decided that we no longer need these back packs...


I wonder if any one else lets the living area of their home look like this:

We could not comfortably walk around the house without dodging the washing baskets, clothes drying racks and ironing board.
Oh well, at least I'm not airing my dirty laundry...


I had been putting off clearing the crap out of the linen closet because I was scared. I had been scared to part with useful, good quality items that I thought I might need one day. But after two months of slowly chipping away at the underlying fears that make me hold onto the past, I opened the linen closet and faced my fear. I imagined the pleasurable sensation I would feel if I opened that cupboard to no longer be faced with a jumbled crowded mess, but with ordered piles of a moderate amount of manchester.

I haven't finished it yet, but...  


Using the term "crap" has been challenging at times and this was discussed on my Clear the CRAP Facebook page. I still have not formulated and written my own definition of Crap to publish on my "what is Crap" blog-tab. Perhaps this is because a definition may limit the flexibility with which the word can be used.

In spite of all that,
 today I got down
and got dirty
and dealt with the real thing!!
Three wheel barrow's full of the stuff from the chook yard.
The crap I cleared today was...


There were many times in my week when I caught myself being... outside of myself.

In any random moment; cleaning out the chook yard, driving along the road, rushing to get ready, chatting with friends at a birthday party, watching my son play his first tennis tournament, brushing my teeth; I would catch myself in the moment.

I would find myself experiencing the joy of that single moment in time and wonder at the utter beauty of the situation.

This is experiencing the power of now and I am now experiencing these moments more frequently.

What absolute joy. Like I said to my sister on the phone at the beginning of the week, I have finally found my happiness. It's like I have been searching all my life to be happy and I have found it. Right now, right here, I am experiencing true bliss. And it is so good that I am compelled to help others find their bliss also.


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